Soul Calibur: Journey of Randomness
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! Twenty-Four complete morons vie for possession of the sacred and cursed swords. Which of your favorite Soul Calibur characters will stand victorious in the end? Rated T for language, violence, and silliness! To be continued in future sequel.
1. Chapter 1

**Story**: Soul Calibur: Journey of Randomness  
**Authors**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: December 27, 2008  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language, violence)  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Namco, or its adventuring group of fated fools…I mean…legendary figures…ahem...

* * *

**Introduction**

Long ago, there were two swords: one was called Soul Edge, the other called Soul Calibur. Adventurers have sought these two blades of good and evil out for centuries. Now…twenty-four complete morons vie for possession of the sacred and cursed swords. Who will stand victorious in the end?

* * *

**The Silly Adventures That Lie Ahead**

**Tale 1**: Mitsurugi and Taki's Adventure

**Tale 2**: Cervantes and Ivy's Adventure

**Tale 3**: Sophitia and Cassandra's Adventure

**Tale 4**: Astaroth and Rock's Adventure

**Tale 5**: Zasalamel and Olcadan's Adventure

* * *

**Please review and stay tuned to the start of this wacky adventure!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Tale 1: Mitsurugi and Taki's Adventure**

Our story begins in the lands of Feudal Japan. It's nightfall over the small village of Bizen. Heishirō Mitsurugi was sitting in a small temple with his sword master, learning of a new power that may catch his interest.

"**Mitsurugi…have you heard of a blade called Soul Calibur?"** his master asks.

"**Soul Calibur? No, doesn't ring a bell,"** Mitsurugi responds, scratching his head.

"**Then what about Soul Edge? Surely you have heard of that,"** his master asks next.

"**Uh…no, haven't heard anything about that either,"** Mitsurugi says with a shrug.

**WHACK!!!**

His master whacks Mitsurugi over the head with a kendo stick.

"**Mitsurugi!!! This is proof you need to get out more often and see the world! Those two names I mentioned are sacred swords of good and evil! You must venture out and bring then to me! Unless…you wish to be whacked on the head day-in and day-out!" **his master says sternly to him.

Meanwhile, just outside of the small temple's door, Taki was eavesdropping silently upon he two's conversation.

_"**Two sacred swords? Interesting…I must have it!"**_ Taki says to herself.

Taki's silent spectation was then threatened when small black cat wanders toward her and began scratching at her leg.

_"**Hey, stupid cat! Go away, I'm busy!"**_ Taki says to the cat, trying to shoo it away, but it persisted with the scratching. _**"I said go away!"**_ Taki hissed, taking the cat and chucking it away from her.

No sooner had she thrown the cat away, the cat charges back at her, leaps up, and clings its claws onto her face.

"**AAAEEEIIIIIIIII!!"** Taki shrieked, flailing around as the cat began mauling her face from her frantic reaction, causing her to haphazardly stumble into the temple after finally getting the cat off of her.

Mitsurugi and his master quickly spun around.

"**Look! A spy!!!"** his master proclaims.

"**Whoa…that girl's got some huge…"** a wide-eyed Mitsurugi began to say, before getting whacked in the head again by his master.

"**Kill her, dumbass!!!" **his master shouts.

Taki immediately rises to her feet and turns to flee the temple with Mitsurugi close on her trail. The pursuit continued throughout the village as they ran through several winding streets and alleys. After toughly thirty-minutes of chasing, both of them began to lose steam and slow down. They stop and decided to take a brief break to catch their breaths, realizing then that they were back in front of the temple's entrance. Mitsurugi's master shook his head in disbelief at the antics of his student and the spy.

"**Screw this, I'm going back inside. Come back when you find the damn swords…"** Mitsurugi's master says with a frustrating sigh before disappearing back into the temple.

After his leave, Mitsurugi resumed the chase after Taki. Taki decides to elude the samurai by leaping onto a nearby-shingled rooftop, only to immediately slip off and fall flat on her face.

"**Stupid wet rooftop…"** Taki mutters as Mitsurugi approaches her.

"**Hey, just who the heck are you anyways?"** Mitsurugi asks her.

"**That is none of your business. I have a mission to accomplish,"** she said to him, slowly getting up.

"**Oh okay, carry on…"** Mitsurugi says.

Taki brushes herself off and makes her leave from Mitsurugi. After the rusty gears in Mitsurugi's mind finally started to turn, he realized that she was after the swords his mater spoke of.

"**H-HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!!"** Mitsurugi yells, resuming the chase once more.

About an hour later, Taki arrives at a port city not too far from the village. There, a large ship would be heading across the ocean toward the mainland at sunrise. Evading the guards patrolling the area, Taki sneaks onto the ship and finds a spot to hide during the ride.

Minutes later, Mitsurugi arrives at the same port. Walking toward the ship where he suspects she may have gone into, the port city's guards quickly surround him.

"**Hey, who are you? Let's see some papers!"** one of the guards said.

Five seconds later, Mitsurugi walks past the now pile of fallen guards, sheathing his blade as he went toward the ship. Upon boarding, he takes his place in the room directly next to Taki's.

Both would be unaware of each other's presence until they would reach the mainland.

**End of Tale 1**

* * *

Two fated souls are making their way toward the two sword's location, but who else is converging toward the sacred blades? Please review and stay tuned for the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Tale 2: Cervantes and Ivy's Adventure**

Our tale continues over the oceans just off of the Asian Sea. An eerie pirate ship floats over the waters during the dead of night. On that ship was the most feared pirate around: Captain Hook.

"**What?! Captain Hook? What the hell is this crap, landlubber?"** yells Cervantes as he storms outside onto the deck from within the chambers of his ship.

Oops…wrong script…sorry…

Cervantes steps up to the wheel of his ship and gazes at the quiet ocean before him.

"**Heheheh…Soul Edge, here I come! Good thing that idiot daughter of mine doesn't know anything about this!"** Cervantes says with an evil grin.

"**Oh I beg to differ…dad."**

Cervantes quickly turns his head, and was face-to-face with his daughter Ivy, who glared back at him with her arms crossed.

"**For heavens sake woman, when did you board my ship?"** Cervantes demands.

"**Old man, I've been on here way before you even thought about searching for the two swords,"** Ivy responds. **"Now, you decrepit zombie, its time for you to go overboard while I claim the treasure for myself!"**

**"Oh really?"** Cervantes says, pulling out a gun and pointing it at Ivy.

"**Yes…really. You might want to put that down, it's useless anyways since I've emptied the bullets out of it already,"** Ivy says to him with a cheeky smile.

Cervantes glares at Ivy before tossing away his gun and reaching for his double swords tied around his belt…

…but found nothing.

"**Yeah…you don't have anything to use against me, pops,"** Ivy adds.

"**You son of a…"** Cervantes growls, turning around and grabbing the ships' navigation wheel and ripping it off its foundation.

"**What in the world are you doing you fool?!"** Ivy says in complete shock of what he did.

"**What does it look like? You disarmed me completely, so now I'll just use the next best thing!"** Cervantes says to her, now advancing toward her for the attack.

"**You moron!!! How are we going to steer the ship without a wheel?!"** Ivy points out.

Cervantes stops and realizes what he had just done.

"**Um…Whoops…"** Cervantes says, nervously…

**CRASH!!!**

…as the ship suddenly runs aground on a sandy beach just off of the main continent, tossing both individuals off of the ship and onto the beach itself.

Ivy rose up off of the ground and crawls toward Cervantes, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him toward her.

"**Now look what you have done!!! We're still hundreds of miles from our destination! What do you propose we do now?"** Ivy says with complete anger.

"**I suppose we can just walk it?"** Cervantes suggests.

Before Ivy could answer, a jeep drove up out of nowhere and stops next to them. Out of it stepped a middle-aged man.

"**Who are you?"** both Ivy and Cervantes asked simultaneously.

"**I'm the host of the reality show: Survivor! I'm looking for new contestants. Would you be interested?"** the man asks.

Both the pirate and his daughter both look at one another, before they both had a brilliant idea.

After a few minutes of pummeling the reality TV host to pulp and dumping his body in an undisclosed location, both Ivy and Cervantes pile into the man's jeep and start driving off toward the mainland.

After they had left the area, both Mitsurugi and Taki could be seen dragging themselves on shore, completely drenched and looking very disheveled.

"**Man…whoever was sailing that ship must have been drunk as hell…"** Mitsurugi says as he stops to regain his composure.

"**Yeah…no telling where we are now…"** Taki adds, stepping up to his side.

Both of them then realize who they were talking too.

The last sighting of them was Mitsurugi once again resuming his chase after Taki, both of them disappearing into the mainland as well.

**End of Tale 2**

* * *

Four of the fated souls are now on the mainland, but who else is converging toward the sacred blade?Please review and stay tuned for the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Tale 3: Sophitia and Cassandra's Adventure**

High up in the Olympic Mountains of Greece, the two sisters: Sophitia and Cassandra were in a sacred temple, summoned by the god of fire and forge, Hephaestus, who had an important mission for them.

"**Daughters of Greece, I have summoned you two here for an important reason,"** Hephaestus says to them from his throne.

"**Uh...is it about that guy I killed last night for trying to sneak a peek at me through my bedroom?"** Cassandra asks, a bit nervous in admitting what she did.

"**What?! No!!! Something far more pressing than that!"** Hephaestus responds.

"**Then it must be news of my love Rothion. He's cheating on me, isn't he? If that bastard is, I'm gonna…"** Sophitia began.

"**SILENCE!!!"** Hephaestus shouts out. **"This is about the sacred swords!"**

"…**Oh…"** both sisters said in unison.

"**Now, as I was saying…the sacred swords of Soul Edge and Soul Calibur are being sought out by various individuals around the world as we speak. Your job is to go out and obtain them before they do and returning them here,"** Hephaestus explains to them.

"**Hmm…"** both girls said together in doubt.

"**_Hmm_ what?"** Hephaestus asks.

"**What's in it for us?"** Cassandra asks, her hands on her hips.

"…**I suppose I'll let you two pose nude fot the next issue of Playgod magazine if you obtain the swords…"** Hephaestus said after some hesitation.

Both sisters high-five each other in satisfaction.

"**We won't let you down,"** Sophitia says.

Both girls turn and take off down the mountain.

**A Few Hours Later...**

A while later, both girls were seen riding a charter bus down the mountain.

"**What? Did you expect us to walk to our destination?"** Sophitia says to you, the reader.

Both girls sat near the center of the bus, both planning out their next course of action.

"**So where do you think these sacred swords are located?"** Cassandra asks.

"**Beats me…I guess we should have asked Hephaestus where to start looking…"** Sophitia responds.

"**Shit, you're right...oh well, we'll find it eventually…"** Cassandra says with a sigh.

After a moment of silence, Sophitia turns to her sister.

"**Hey…um…about you said earlier…did you…really kill someone who tried to peep at you?"** Sophitia inquires.

"**Uh, yeah of course!"** Cassandra responds.

"**Um…what did he look like?"** Sophitia asks next.

"**I dunno…he sorta put me in mind of your husband Rothion…"** she responds.

**"…"** was all that came out of Sophitia's mouth after her sister's revelation.

A while later during the ride, a curious passenger sitting behind them, namely Link, leans up to the seat behind them and starts staring at their chests.

Both girls quickly catch wind of his intentions and turn to him immediately.

"**Stop it, little boy!"** Cassandra warns him.

Link smiles and quietly backs down from her words.

But soon enough, Link was once again leaning up to them trying to get a peek at their jugs.

Again, both girls turn to him, looking pissed at him now.

"**Boy, we're warning you!"** Sophitia says to him.

Link back down once more…but to the girl's dismay, Link quickly leans forward and starts poking at their breasts.

**CRASH!!!**

Seconds later Link is seen ejected through the bus's window in reaction to their harassment.

**Unnamed City...**

Arriving at an unnamed city, both girls step of off the bus, for they could no longer pay to travel any further.

"**Hephaestus is a cheap bastard for only giving us enough fare to reach the bottom of the mountain," **Cassandra groans.

"**So what now? We need to get a ride somehow,"** Sophitia suggests.

"**Let's try hitching with the next few vehicles that come,"** Cassandra says.

Both girls nod and step up the curb, waving their thumbs out as one would do to signal for a ride.

To their dismay, only two people pass by them without notice: Taki, who was being chased by Mitsurugi, both on motorcycles speeding down the streets in pursuit of one another.

"...**Well that was a waste of time…here, let's try this, follow my lead," **Sophitia says to her sister.

Sophitia immediately takes off her top, with Cassandra following suit.

As soon as they do, a jeep stops for them on the spot…

…it was Cervantes and Ivy.

"**I don't know who you two whores are, but I like what I see! Get in!"** Cervantes says, waggling his eyebrows.

"**Ugh…damn my perverted father…"** Ivy groans in embarrassment.

Both girls high-five each other ands hop into the back of the jeep, and were on their way to the sacred swords along with the father and daughter duo.

**End of Tale 3**

* * *

**Six of the fated souls are now converging toward the sacred sword. Who else is on their trail?**

**Please review and stay tuned for the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Tale 4: Astaroth and Rock's Adventure**

* * *

**Unnamed City**

* * *

Deep within the unnamed city, two hefty individuals were working out at a local fitness club. The only two customers at the time were Astaroth and Rock.

"**Hey Rock, I heard on the news this morning that two really powerful swords were said to be hidden somewhere, and whoever finds these two blades will be given incredible powers,"** Astaroth says as he does some arm-curls using a 1600 pound dumbbell.

"**Bah, who needs power when you've got muscles like ours?"** Rock responds from on top of a stationary bicycle, pedaling so incredibly fast that smoke was coming from the chains.

"**That's right! We could probably beat anyone who get their hands on those wimpy swords,"** Astaroth says in agreement, dropping his dumbbell on the ground after he was finished, causing the weights to crash through the floor. **"Besides, everyone knows that I'm the mightiest soul on this planet!" **be boasts rather boldly.

"**Hoho, on the contrary, my friend, but I am more mightier than you, its just plain fact,"** Rock answers, getting of of the bike, witch was about to catch fire from the friction.

Astaroth scoffs as he approached his buddy. **"Is that a challenge pal?"**

Rock gets returns the expression with a sardonic grin. **"Why yes. Yes it is. Let's fight like gentlemen."**

Astaroth laughs and cracks his knuckles. **"Heheh, very well, let's see what you g-"**

Before Astaroth could finish speaking, Rock had grabbed a large exercise machine and held it over his head.

"**BANGOO!"** Rock bellows as he smacks Astaroth with the heavy piece of equipment, sending the unholy creature flying across the club and though a glass window out into the streets.

Astaroth was getting up off of the ground as Rock caught up to him outside, looking pretty pissed off.

"**Now you've done it! GRRRRAAAAAAA!"** Astaroth shouts as he charges toward Rock at full speed.

"**BANGOO!"** Rock responds as he too charged toward his buddy.

Both muscle-bound meatheads collide like two runaway trains as they start pounding the living crap out of each other.

After about a good ten minutes, both men suddenly stop their brawl when a small motorcade of vehicles whiz past them, nearly hitting them along the way. It was the other fated souls we saw earlier on the chase toward the two swords Soul Edge and Soul Calibur.

"**Hey! Those bastards nearly hit us!"** Rock proclaimed, getting off the ground.

"**Yeah, that's not nice! Let's chase their ass!"** Astaroth suggests.

Both men nod as school bus starts driving by them. Astaroth brings the bus to a halt by grabbing its rear, while Rock proceeded to enter the bus and throw out the driver. Once both men were settled in their new ride, they hit the gas and started screeching down the streets in hope to follow the others to wherever they were heading.

**End of Tale 4**

* * *

**Eight of the fated souls are now converging toward the sacred sword. Who else is on their trail?**

**Please review and stay tuned for the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Tale 5: Zasalamel and Olcadan's Adventure**

* * *

**The Backstreets**

* * *

Somewhere else in a deep, dark alley with the unnamed city, a secret meeting between two individuals were about to take place.

A long black limousine rolls smoothly into her alley, and stops right next to shady-looking person. The back window of the limo rolls down, revealing Zasalamel on the inside, wearing a pimp outfit.

"**Yo, you got the goods, fool?"** Zasalamel asks the shady person.

The cloaked man removes his hat and revels his face.

It was Olcadan in his owl form.

"**Yeah I got the goods, the finest stuff in all the city,"** Olcadan says, showing Zasalamel a bag of illegal substance from his pocket.

Zasalamel leans out the window and takes a good look at the owl's wares.

"…**Hey wait a minute! These ain't drugs! These are owl pellets!"** Zasalamel says to him in annoyance.

"**O RLY?"** Olcadan replies.

"**YA RLY!"** Zasalamel responds.

"**NO WAY!"** Olcadan counters.

"**YEA W-OH GODDAMNIT!"** Zasalamel yells as he pulls out a pistol and starts shooting at Olcadan.

"**Whoa-oh!"** Olcadan yelps as he doges the gunfire and runs inside the nearest door in the alley.

"**Man get your feathered ass back here!"** Zasalamel shouts as he gets out of the limo and takes chase after him.

As Olcadan races up several flights of stairs, he began to think…

"**Oh crap! How did I end up on the streets selling drugs?! I miss my old job of training men in the art of weaponry. I need to get away from this and resume my search of the greatest weapons of legend…"** he contemplates to himself while fleeing.

Olcadan reaches the rooftop of the building, where a strategically placed helicopter awaits for him.

"**Just what I needed!"** Olcadan says in relief as he hops in and starts the chopper.

Zasalamel reaches the rooftop seconds later just as Olcadan starts taking off.

"**Oh no the hell you don't!"** Zasalamel shouts as he runs toward the chopper and jumps, grabbing hold to the chopper's feet as they both fries into the skies.

Now over the city, Olcadan looks down at the streets, where he notices a long string of divers chasing one another.

"**What is going on down there? Looks like something big is happening! I'll give chase as well, this ought to be a hoot,"** he says as he follows suit above the other destined heroes, unbeknownst that Zasalamel was still hanging on to the chopper below.

**End of Tale 5**

* * *

**Ten of the fated souls are now converging toward the sacred sword. Who else is on their trail?**

**To Be Continued in Soul Calibur: Journey of Randomness 2, coming 2013!**


End file.
